One Second

Eight days since my last post and what a roller coaster ride it has been. Since BFW God has been moving mightily and needless to say so has Satan (or should I say he is trying to). Every time I go to a BFW I come home filled to overflowing and every time Satan starts the attack. In the past I did not realize what was happening until it was to late. This time I was prepared in advance just in case he attacked and sure enough he was right on schedule and he pulled out all the stops.

You know how he is - it starts out with the simple things like running late for work, the best laid plans fall apart, the dog barks to much, so and so didn't wave at you, so forth and so on. I was so totally prepared this time, I just thanked God every time something went wrong. There was not going to be a stronghold on me. No way, no how!

And of course when those things didn't work, he pulled out the big guns like: waking up and crying all day (for no reason mind you), the toilet backs up (on a holiday and the plumber makes a killing off of you), the one day you plan to be alone with your husband becomes a total nightmare (and you would rather be by yourself), and of course, by then you really have a reason to cry (after all you didn't get your way), you feel that no-one knows what you are going through and then you realize you shouldn't be feeling that way and the guilt begins pouring over you, and to add insult to injury you are waiting on a parking spot and some old person pulls in from the wrong direction and takes the spot you so patiently waited on. Sound familiar to anyone? Sound crazy to anyone?

Like I said this time I was prepared. Or so I thought. After having a good crying session (and justifying it), ranting and raving about the plumber (but thanking God for the toilet), making your husband feel guilty for putting the toilet before you (all the time assuring him it really wasn't his fault) and just after writing that wonderful old person a note of gratitude for taking the space you so patiently waited on (and did I mention writing that you would pray good health over them) only then did I realize I had allowed Satan to blind side me yet again!

However, this time I did what I have never done in the past - I got absolutely ticked off!! No guilt, no shame just total anger! Actually, that isn't even the correct term. I became so overwhelmingly enraged that I screamed at the top of my lungs right there in HEB's parking lot! I am sure if the windows hadn't been rolled up - someone would have thought I was being murdered. But in all actuality it was a war cry from the very depths for my soul and it felt so great I did it again and again.

Do you wonder how I could have allowed myself to be so violated? I did and here's how - for one second I lowered my shield, for one second I believed that because of my experience at the BFW, Satan would be afraid to come near me, for one second I allowed myself to become overconfident in me, for one second I thought I was invincible to Satan and his ways, for one second I got too busy with junk and let my experience slip, for one second I took my eye (just one eye) off of my destiny, for one second I was not in warrior mode. One second - that's all it took!

I was created for such a time as this. I was created to walk in this destiny. My destiny! No one else can walk out my destiny and I cannot walk out theirs. Shield up, both eyes on my destiny, confidence in God only, invincible only with God, junk out the door, warrior mode all the time. Every second of every day.

I WILL RUN

WOW! No! I really mean WOW! I cannot tell you how fabulous this weekend was - but of course most of you were there and already know. My mind was and is still in total overdrive. I wake up thinking "I WILL RUN - I WILL RUN - I WILL RUN" and I go to sleep thinking "I WILL RUN - I WILL RUN - I WILL RUN". My heart is free and all the junk is gone. For the first time in my life I feel like I am no longer on the outside looking in, I feel like I belong, truly belong. The last thread of legalism has been broken, the last of the past hurts are gone and I am not ashamed to hold my head up and look you in the eyes. I am no longer defeated but a victor, no longer a shadow of who I really am, and most importantly I am no longer afraid to be who I am created to be. My destiny is clearer today that it has ever been and I am no long afraid to step out into it.

While in Heaven my passion for God, my family, my church and for life was returned. I walked and talked with God. I mean I really talked to God and He talked to me. I asked so many questions and He responded to each. One of the questions I asked was "If a gift He bestowed on me and I refused could be returned to me?" He simply smiled and said yes. And that's exactly He did. When I went to sleep that night I had a prophetic dream, the first one I have had since I asked Him to take that gift away. He totally restored my gift of prophetic dreams. I asked for the strength to rebuke condemnation that is thrown at me - and He did. And I asked Him to take away my fear of being criticized just to name a few.

While talking with God on my way to work this morning He told me to put some of my pictures on my blog today! (OMG! I had to move my bracelet to the other arm!) My first response was people won't like them. It was amazing how fast Satan showed up just to put the fear of criticism in me. Well, I have struggled with this all day - and I finally realize how crazy it is. So, take this you deceiver - my fear of being criticized ends here because He is all I want and He is all I crave and yes "I WILL RUN - I WILL RUN - I WILL RUN"!

With each picture I post I feel that fear slipping away. How wonderful it feels to not worry about what someone thinks about you or your work (passion). Thank you God for such freedom!

Climbing the Ladder

Isn't it funny how we dream of things, but never use the power God has given us to bring those dreams to fruition? Do you think it is because we never knew we had the power or was it because we were afraid to use it (in case of failure)? I must admit that I have long been a dreamer of great things, but never really realized that I had the power to bring them to life. However, last Saturday I had a photo shoot at ACU and while there I saw the statue of "Jacob's Dream". I was so overwhelmed by his struggle to climb the ladder, by the angels around him and by his hand reaching to the sky. Large stones were laying on the ground around this statue and they were engraved with words like (THE LORD), (GOD) and various other things. How appropriate that it was raining while I was there. It just made the whole scene so surreal. I saw myself struggling to climb that ladder, the rain beating down on me making my climb even harder but all the while reaching toward the sky, reaching for the goal. Just then I realized that I have had the power within me all along!

To sum this all up, a few months ago I began dreaming and believing for several things and that is when my list really began. Here are the things I have the power within me to bring to fruition and by faith I will succeed:

1. My mother's health to improve - DONE

2. My brother-in-laws cancer to disappear totally

3. My photography business continue to grow

4. God to provide a place for my photography business - DONE (God gave us a free building)

5. My relationship with my son Timothy to be healed.

6. My life group to be returned this semester.

7. Remodeling my home with additions to kitchen, bathroom and extra bedroom

8. Finances to pay for remodeling without going into debt

9. Finances to pay off truck so that we can be totally debt free

10. New computer, with two monitors for photography

11. Continued favor for Doug in his business

12. A nice fall vacation with my sweet husband

13. A closer relationship with God and more understanding of His ways

14. A closer relationship with the people from KLF

I do have the power within me and I will see this list completed. Please stand in agreement with me.

Coming Out of the Closet

Well here I am - sort of - anyway. And the first thing I have to do is confess that I have been a "closet browser" of the blogs of some really special people for the past couple of months. So to all you special people - Erica, Pam, Cherith, Trish, Fran, Monica, Brandi, Gail, Becky, Jennifer, Amanda, Rachel and Brenda - I am proud to announce that I have officially "COME OUT OF THE CLOSET". No more slinking around for me.

Now I must admit that I have really enjoyed reading all of your blogs. I love the words of encouragement, the thoughts, the jokes, the EVERYTHING you write. How totally creative each and everyone of you are.

I am working on my list of things that I am believing from God, and like most of you I can't stop thinking about Ginny's talk. I also keep hearing the words that Gail shared in her talk last year - "I didn't expect much and that's exactly what I got"! Those were the most profound words I have ever heard and they are more profound today than they were last year. So, I am expecting everything and I know that is exactly what I am going to get.

So to all you special people, thanks for sharing your blog with me and letting me hang in the background for a while. I love each and everyone of you and I look forward to the BFW this week because I am expecting EVERYTHING and that's exactly what we are going to get.